The allusive big chop – I was always afraid of doing it. The act of cutting off inches of your hair all at once is pretty daunting. Especially due to the constant reiteration of the beauty of Eurocentric features – straight long hair, small dainty features, and petite frame. Growing up in a predominantly white community didn’t exactly deter me from idolization of these features. Everything changed when I met my boyfriend Avery. I lived in the same place for 17 years and was not very adept to “outsiders”. However, when he came it opened up a whirlwind of emotion. He was the new kid. He was a football player. He was FIIIINNNEEEE. However, I didn’t act on those urges until senior year. We were in choral ensemble together. Singing was always a refuge for me. I’ve always been tightly wound (blame it on being the first born). Singing however allowed me to release all those emotions. There was a reason Avery was in ensemble with me. He quickly became my refuge as well. He showed me a side of myself that was untapped. The people in my hometown were just accustomed to how things were --- same outlook, same mindset. Avery offered this fresh look, a fresh lens to look out of. I saw things differently. Fast forward about a year as I’m staring in my dorm mirror. I had just taken my box braids out, in the process of transitioning. Thanks to my latest birthday gift from Avery, I had everything I needed to moisturize my hair. I woke up the next morning and did my hair for the day in these Mickey Mouse ears. (third pic) I looked at myself and said, “I’m doing it, I’m cutting it tonight.” I got the shears from a fellow sister and convinced my roommate to help. Thirty minutes later and I was the newest local baldy. (second pic) Now, about two months have passed and I’m realizing the spiritual implications that day had on me. I look back now and realize how I figuratively and literally cut away the ugly/unhealthy pieces of myself. I am happy. I am bold. I am in love. I am confident. I am a queen whose crown is about six inches long (length check). The big chop changed me for the better and the future growth of my hair will coincide with my own personal growth. (largest pic)
- Janel Moore
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